Hey guys, check this out

[wb256]

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4015

So apparently Rumsfeld is looking forward to national secretary day. Does this disgust you guys as much as it does me? Like, this holiday is intended for real secretaries, not sleezy politicians.

Thoughts?

[Insane Power Pilot]

Sorry, I guess I don't take The Onion as seriously as you do. If that wasn't meant in your post, then I guess I can't read sarcasm very well. ;)

Frankly, I'm a little disgusted there's a national Secretary's Day at all. Why doesn't every single occupation in the world get its own 'day?' I think the Birthday Party should look at this glaring disparity in society. :p

[CONtroversial_subject]

yea umm i dont really have any feelings about some hallmark holiday, i say christmas and easter is enough holidays.

[Cheryl Tucker]

Yeah... I dont get the secratary thing either. I mean - sure they work for others but who doesnt? And sure they have a lot of work to do but again so do everybody else (if not more). Why are secrataries so special?

[Fufu_65]

i don't think it's fair..personally if i was a secretary that day wouldn't make me feel special at ALL..it'd make me feel as if people felt sorry for me because i WAS a secretary..my 1 cent

-SS

[wb256]

Sorry, I guess I don't take The Onion as seriously as you do. If that wasn't meant in your post, then I guess I can't read sarcasm very well. ;)

I happen to take the underground media quite seriously. Just because something dosn't appear in the mainstream media, dosn't mean it's not true.

I think people should start looking to independant news sources such as the onion for their information.

Warren

[Vie en Rose]

Okay, I can admit that yeah, they made the holiday to make the employees feel "wanted" but still, I mean, how come they don't have Medical Laboratory Technologists' Day (that example comes courtesy of my mom's position)? And the last person I would expect (or want) to see celebrating a holiday like that would be Rumsfeld. If anything, everyone should be celebrating that he might be ousted out of office with the re-election of the new president.

[Insane Power Pilot]

I happen to take the underground media quite seriously. Just because something dosn't appear in the mainstream media, dosn't mean it's not true.

Surely you jest. You use satire (http://www.theonion.com/onion_help/faq_editorial.php) as a serious news source?

[Logan]

Surely you jest. You use satire (http://www.theonion.com/onion_help/faq_editorial.php) as a serious news source?
why not some of the best satire is taken from right off the front page of most news papers and so long as they show a level handed veiw of the situation then i don't see why you can't use it as an actual news source.

[Insane Power Pilot]

Sorry, no sale. That kind of thinking is what classifies things like Bowling for Columbine as a documentary...

[wb256]

Dude, theonion isn't satire. It's actually one of the more (in my opinion) credible independant news sources available.

[Cheryl Tucker]

The Onion is a satirical weekly publication published 47 times a year on Thursdays. The Onion is published by Onion, Inc. The contents of this material are © Copyright 2004 by Onion, Inc. and may not be reprinted or re-transmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher. The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

http://www.theonion.com/onion_help/faq_editorial.php (http://www.theonion.com/onion_help/faq_editorial.php)
Sorry to be the one to tear this thing apart but even they admit their articles are satirical. :rolleyes:

Creditable or not though... I personally dont take anything that call themselves 'The Onion' seriously. Since when have onions been declared professionals??? Lol.

[wb256]

Creditable or not... I personally dont take anything call themselves 'The Onion' seriously. Since when have onions been declared professionals??? Lol.


That's a ridiculous reason to discredit a news source...because you don't like the name? Seriously guys, if we're hoping for any sort of social progress we need to be more open minded and get information other than conventional sources.

Now back on topic, what do you think we should do about this?

[Cheryl Tucker]

That's a ridiculous reason to discredit a news source...because you don't like the name? Seriously guys, if we're hoping for any sort of social progress we need to be more open minded and get information other than conventional sources.

Now back on topic, what do you think we should do about this?Go back and read my edited-in quote (I was adding it while you were writing this post)

[Walsh]

Look at the images they are clearly photoshop jobs.

I suggest www.cnn.com for serious news... I mean propoganda.

[Neo]

Let's settle this once and for all, The Onion is a self-admitted Satire:

"The Onion is a satirical weekly publication published 47 times a year on Thursdays. The Onion is published by Onion, Inc. The contents of this material are © Copyright 2004 by Onion, Inc. and may not be reprinted or re-transmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher. The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

The Onion uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental."
(Source: http://www.theonion.com/onion_help/faq_editorial.php)

Just to restate my point, The Onion is a fake publiction, meant for entertainment purposes only.

[Cheryl Tucker]

Let's settle this once and for all, The Onion is a self-admitted Satire:

"The Onion is a satirical weekly publication published 47 times a year on Thursdays. The Onion is published by Onion, Inc. The contents of this material are © Copyright 2004 by Onion, Inc. and may not be reprinted or re-transmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher. The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

The Onion uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental."
(Source: http://www.theonion.com/onion_help/faq_editorial.php)

Just to restate my point, The Onion is a fake publiction, meant for entertainment purposes only.
Kinda already pointed that out lol. ;)

[Neo]

Whoops, I should read more clearly.

But I guess the fact that the discussion continued is my saving grace :D

[wb256]

Let's settle this once and for all, The Onion is a self-admitted Satire:

"The Onion is a satirical weekly publication published 47 times a year on Thursdays. The Onion is published by Onion, Inc. The contents of this material are © Copyright 2004 by Onion, Inc. and may not be reprinted or re-transmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher. The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

The Onion uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental."
(Source: http://www.theonion.com/onion_help/faq_editorial.php)

Just to restate my point, The Onion is a fake publiction, meant for entertainment purposes only.

That link dosn't even work. I'm quite sure you made all of that up yourself.

You're just trying to hide the facts from the public; attack the source rather than the information being presented. It's such a childish way to argue about things.

The fact of the matter is, this is an important concern that we need to address. Now back on topic.

Opinions anyone?

[Cheryl Tucker]

That link dosn't even work. I'm quite sure you made all of that up yourself.

You're just trying to hide the facts from the public; attack the source rather than the information being presented. It's such a childish way to argue about things.

The fact of the matter is, this is an important concern that we need to address. Now back on topic.

Opinions anyone?Back on topic? Sorry there but I think the topic has shifted a tad.

Oh BTW... The link works perfect. :confused:
If its not working for you go to The Onion > To the bottom of the main page > Help/FAQ > General > Editorial and read away.

[Bright Eyes]

Does satirical news serve no purpose but to entertain?

I think they serve the essential purpose of tempering the news that we receive from biased sources such as CNN, as pointed above. Not particularly in the case of this story, but with others about breaking news stories, it is really informative to read what The Onion has to say about it.

It may not be 100% true ... but neither is any of the news that you receive from any other source. Every reporter has their own agenda, the good people at The Onion are just honest about theirs.

[wb256]

Back on topic? Sorry there but I think the topic has shifted a tad.

Oh BTW... The link works perfect. :confused:
If its not working for you go to The Onion > To the bottom of the main page > Help/FAQ > General > Editorial and read away.


Yes, it has shifted a tad, and that's the problem. I don't care what you people think about satire, I want to discuss the issue at hand. I want to know what people think about Donald celebrating this holiday.

By the way, there is no help/FAQ on the website. You're clearly lying.

[AMothfromWpg]

Yes, it has shifted a tad, and that's the problem. I don't care what you people think about satire, I want to discuss the issue at hand. I want to know what people think about Donald celebrating this holiday.

By the way, there is no help/FAQ on the website. You're clearly lying.the link works fine, as well it is on the footer bar of the main page
Contact Us ; Help/Faq; privacy policy

[Insane Power Pilot]

Yes, it has shifted a tad, and that's the problem. I don't care what you people think about satire, I want to discuss the issue at hand. I want to know what people think about Donald celebrating this holiday.

What issue? Clearly the article is bunk and Rumsfeld never said any of that stuff and I doubt somewhat that he will be celebrating this "holiday." At best, I was moderately amused. That's the discussion.

[wb256]

What issue? Clearly the article is bunk and Rumsfeld never said any of that stuff and I doubt somewhat that he will be celebrating this "holiday." At best, I was moderately amused. That's the discussion.

Stop trying to trivialize and discredit an issue important to counless Americans. He crealy did say that stuff, it says so on the link I provided.

The discussion is not over. What do you people think?

[Insane Power Pilot]

I apologize. I just don't take everything at face value, even if it does come from a "independent news source."

[jgoguen]

By the way, there is no help/FAQ on the website. You're clearly lying. If this is true and there is no such thing as a Help/FAQ on this website, the could you please explain the following to us all:

I went to http://www.theonion.com to see for myself who is really telling the truth. I went to the bottom of the page, and saw a footer bar with the following items:







Contact Us
Help/FAQ
Privacy Policy
Media Kit
So as you can see by the second item, there truely is a Help/FAQ for this site, so can you please tell us all how you can possibly say there is no such thing as a Help/FAQ for the Onion?

Now, to further this, I got a page with a series of categories for my help. This page is located at http://www.theonion.com/onion_help and you should have no problem finding it by either clicking the link or going to http://www.theonion.com and clicking on Help/FAQ on the footer bar. That's the green bar at the bottom of the page. The first category is General, and in this category is a link that says Editorial - The Onion in general and the content. I clicked on the word Editorial, because that's the only hotlinked word, maening that one word, when clicked, will take me to another page. This leads me to a page explaining the Onion and answering FAQ for people. The first two paragraphs, before the FAQ section, read as follows (I copied and pasted, so spelling errors are the fault of the Onion):

The Onion is a satirical [my bold] weekly publication published 47 times a year on Thursdays. The Onion is published by Onion, Inc. The contents of this material are © Copyright 2004 by Onion, Inc. and may not be reprinted or re-transmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher. The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. The Onion uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. This page is located at http://www.theonion.com/onion_help/faq_editorial.php


So the editors of the Onion themselves admit this publication is satirical in nature. This leads me to believe this event did not actually happen, and the editors are making fun of Donald Rumsfeld. For anyone who isn't aware of the definitions:


Satiric \Sa*tir"ic\, Satirical \Sa*tir"ic*al\, a. [L. satiricus: cf. F. satirique.] 1. Of or pertaining to satire; of the nature of satire; as, a satiric style.

2. Censorious; severe in language; sarcastic; insulting. ``Satirical rogue.'' --Shak.

Syn: Cutting; caustic; poignant; sarcastic; ironical; bitter; reproachful; abusive



se·ri·ous(sîrhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/prime.gifhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/emacr.gif-http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/schwa.gifs)
adj.


Grave in quality or manner: gave me a serious look.

Carried out in earnest: engaged in serious drinking; serious study of Italian.
Deeply interested or involved: a serious card player.
Designed for and addressing grave and earnest tastes: serious art; serious music.
Not trifling or jesting: I'm serious: we expect you to complete the assignment on time. Her question was serious enough to deserve a thoughtful response.
Of considerable size or scope; substantial: a cleanup that cost serious money.
Of such character or quality as to appeal to the expert, the connoisseur, or the sophisticate: “Every serious kitchen needs at least one peppermill” (Washington Post).


Concerned with important rather than trivial matters: a serious student of history.

Being of such import as to cause anxiety: serious injuries; a serious turn of events.
Too complex to be easily answered or solved: raised some serious objections to the proposal.

Syn: Grave; solemn; earnest; sedate; important; weighty.

Those definitions both come from http://dictionary.reference.com (http://%3Cu%3Ehttp://dictionary.reference.com%3C/u%3E)

From this I think it is safe to conclude that serious and satirical are not the same thing. This leads me to believe Mr. Bernauer knows he's wrong about the seriousness of the news source, and knows he's wrong about the page not existing, yet refuses to admit he's wrong. Or maybe the page magically won't work just for him just to keep this argument going (and that's an example of satire everyone ;) ).

Mr. Bernauer...the floor is open for explainations as to why you're so quick to believe a satirical news source as proven fact, yet you refuse to believe serious proven fact and go so far as to call people trying to disprove your argument with proven fact liers. There is a word for that, when someone thinks only they can be right and anyone disagreeing with them is wrong. Anyone care to hazard a guess?


EDIT: I forgot to attach this...I can't take screenshots just yet, but I printed the page in question to a PDF file. You can now see what is on the page even if the link magically won't work for you. You'll need the Adobe Reader to view this file, available free from http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html (http://%3Cu%3Ehttp://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html%3C/u%3E). Just fill in the requested fields based on your system, and once all three fields are set, setp 2 will appear directly below step 1. From there, just click Download, save the file to an easy to remember location (like the desktop) and run the installer by double-clicking the icon. Then you can open the PDF file and see what the rest of us are talking about. The only difference in my PDF file and the actual page is that I block banner ads, so the banner ad at the top of the page shows up here as a blank space.

[Dick]

Lol, the fact that how had to prove he was lying was funny...

Haven't you guys learned anything about Warren yet?


I can't take screenshots just yet
Thats what the PrintScrn button is for... press that, then go into paint and hit ctrl+v, and VIOLA! instant screen shot.

[Tomtom]

Lol, the fact that how had to prove he was lying was funny...

Haven't you guys learned anything about Warren yet?

I think this post has been one of the greatest reads in quite some time!

And it had NOTHING to do with the "Onion"

Warren! you're being a bum.

[wb256]

Mr. Bernauer...the floor is open for explainations as to why you're so quick to believe a satirical news source as proven fact, yet you refuse to believe serious proven fact and go so far as to call people trying to disprove your argument with proven fact liers. There is a word for that, when someone thinks only they can be right and anyone disagreeing with them is wrong. Anyone care to hazard a guess?


EDIT: I forgot to attach this...I can't take screenshots just yet, but I printed the page in question to a PDF file. You can now see what is on the page even if the link magically won't work for you. You'll need the Adobe Reader to view this file, available free from http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html (http://%3Cu%3Ehttp://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html%3C/u%3E). Just fill in the requested fields based on your system, and once all three fields are set, setp 2 will appear directly below step 1. From there, just click Download, save the file to an easy to remember location (like the desktop) and run the installer by double-clicking the icon. Then you can open the PDF file and see what the rest of us are talking about. The only difference in my PDF file and the actual page is that I block banner ads, so the banner ad at the top of the page shows up here as a blank space.


I do believe the floor is open for you to explain why you continually bombard us with LIES!

My computer won't open pdf documents. Plus I'm quite sure you consructed that document on your own.

I think the word for someone thinking that only they can be right is JOEL, as you obviously won't open your mind and TRY to discuss this with me.

Opinions?

[Dick]

I think opinios are over rated. Down with individualism!

[Neo]

Having fun is all well and good, but this is just fustrating....

[wb256]

your mom's over rated

[Dick]

your mom's over rated
As anyone who was dumb enough to pay the $2000 would tell you.

[jgoguen]

Thats what the PrintScrn button is for... press that, then go into paint and hit ctrl+v, and VIOLA! instant screen shot. Unfortunately I'm using a Macintosh keyboard, and it doesn't actually have a Print Screen key on it. Also, I'm using Mandrake Linux, not Windows, and even when I had a keyboard with a PrintScreen key it didn't work. Might just be the way I had it configured, but no one else I know using Linux seems to think so. If you can tell me how I can take a printscreen without having a PrintScreen key and running Mandrake Linux 10 using Mozilla Firefox 0.8 as my browser, I'd be grateful.



My computer won't open pdf documents. Why not? If you're running Windows or Macintosh or Linux, simply download the Adobe Reader for free and open it. If you're using Linux, you could also download the file, open a shell in that directory, and type xpdf <filename> where <filename> is the name of the PDF file. If you're using some other obscure OS I suggest you check your man pages or the online documentation. It does exist, you just have to look for it. Can you open PostScript documents? I can attach a PostScript document of the same page, no problem.



Plus I'm quite sure you consructed that document on your own. Is there even a program for Linux that's freely available that lets me create/edit PDF documents? If so, please do post a link to a download page. I'd be very interested in getting it. No trial or demo or anything like that, a full-featured product released either as freeware or under the GPL.



I do believe the floor is open for you to explain why you continually bombard us with LIES! Want to entertain us by posting every lie in this thread and actually providing some proof? Like explaining how the rest of us can all open a single webpage that you alone seem unable to open. And I was able to open it with Lynx, which for those of you who don't know is a text-only web browser designed for surfing the net where no graphical user interface (like Windows) is available.



I think the word for someone thinking that only they can be right is JOEL, as you obviously won't open your mind and TRY to discuss this with me. Actually, the word I'm thinking of is "ignorant" but I suppose "misinformed" works too. Someone else probably has an even better word. I've actually kept a pretty open mind. I didn't much care who was right or wrong, and actually thought the article was amusing. I also think it's quite possible that Mr. Rumsfeld was actually seen looking at Secretary's Day cards, although I highly doubt he actually said most, if any, of what they claim he did. I was quite content to read this thread until I saw you calling someone a lier. That made me want to see for myself who was actually telling the truth. I happen to have a very low level of respect for people who are obviously in the wrong but continue to insist they're right and attack anyone who dares to differ in opinion from them. Same goes for people who start pointless arguments just for the sake of having an argument, but that's beside the point. (**DISCLAIMER**: I am not saying you personally are doing this. If you feel as though I am, I assure you I am not and I apologize.) I would like you to provide examples of where you have kept an open mind and been willing to consider that you might be wrong. I'm willing to consider that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe an email to the editors of the Onion asking them abou the article and exactly how much truth is in it would help. Who knows...they might have published a totally non-satirical article, or maybe one with very little satire. You haven't even tried to convince me. I see no screenshots of the error page you get when you go to the page. A simple HTTP404 error message quoted means nothing because anyone can go to any non-existant URL and copy the error message. PDF editors are harder to come by unless you happen to have bought one or acquired one through other means, and I don't know of any for *nix systems so PDF printouts are good enough. Unfortunately you don't have the software apparently for PDF files, and probably the same for PS files.

I'm not convinced you've even tried opening the link, and if you have I'm certain you haven't asked someone else if they can open it. What about using a different computer? A different browser? Have you made every effort to try that, or at least have someone using a different computer and/or browser try the page?

[wb256]

PDF editors are harder to come by unless you happen to have bought one or acquired one through other means, and I don't know of any for *nix systems so PDF printouts are good enough. Unfortunately you don't have the software apparently for PDF files, and probably the same for PS files.

I'm not convinced you've even tried opening the link, and if you have I'm certain you haven't asked someone else if they can open it. What about using a different computer? A different browser? Have you made every effort to try that, or at least have someone using a different computer and/or browser try the page?

I have the software for pdf files, I also have a nice virus to go with it. Hence, no viewing your pdf file, sorry.

Rest assured, I've made every attempt to view this FAQ, but I don't think it exists. I've also made every attempt to make it as obvious as possible that I'm making a joke at my own expense, but obviously you're not getting it either.

Yes, I called someone a liar. However, it made me look like an ignorant idiot, it was funny. Then you got mad and wasted your time writing lengthly posts, that was even funnier.

I love me.

[Insane Power Pilot]

I've also made every attempt to make it as obvious as possible that I'm making a joke at my own expense, but obviously you're not getting it either.

I had an inkling. I haven't forgotten about that "End Women's Suffrage" post you made a long time ago.

[The Blue Tory]

LOL there will be a lot of happy bosses on that day ;)

[DVessey]

I have the software for pdf files, I also have a nice virus to go with it. Hence, no viewing your pdf file, sorry.

Rest assured, I've made every attempt to view this FAQ, but I don't think it exists. I've also made every attempt to make it as obvious as possible that I'm making a joke at my own expense, but obviously you're not getting it either.

Yes, I called someone a liar. However, it made me look like an ignorant idiot, it was funny. Then you got mad and wasted your time writing lengthly posts, that was even funnier.

I love me.
oh man..

that's probably the best troll CW has seen in awhile.

While we're at this, your Hotmail account will be deleted and infested with crayon-wielding monkeys unless you print out this thread and then mail it to ten people.
Have a nice day!

[Tomtom]

Thanks for the laughs Warren,

Let this be a lesson that some people are just having a bit of fun. Relax, calm your selves, and take things at face value. You don't always have to take everything so seriously!!! LAUGH!!


Move along people. Nothing to see here...


lol