The Birthday Party (revisited)

[wb256]

So it's that time again (election time), so I thought I'd begin campaigning again. For those of you not familiar with the Birthday Party platform, I'll give it a quick summary.

The Birthday Party and it's members believe that by only celebrating the birthdays of certain individuals with mandatory holidays, a great indignity is being placed upon the common person. Therefore, it is our opinion that the best coarse of action would be to bring down these social barriers and celebrate everyone's birthday with a holiday. Not only will this help encourage human unity, it will also help promote family togetherness (as parents will now be free to spend their child's birthday with their child, rather than working).

Think of the children - vote BP

[M. Ward]

I think you have my vote. What are your views on citizens request for the government to revoke the Law of Phsyics? As well as the use of nuclear-power toothbrushes? These are subjects very close to me, thus I feel I should be informed of how your party intends to deal with it.



:p Ward1859

[wb256]

I think you're looking for rhino party. This is no joke. I honestly take this platform very seriously and would appreciate it if you would as well.

Why, do you find something funny about calling a political organization the "birthday party"?

[M. Ward]

That's a trick question.

On a somewhat serious note (on my part) there was once a party in Canada that called for those two things and something else, I think. I read about them in a book about politics. They actually got a few votes.

EDIT: Actually, is that the party you mentioned? Sounds famailer.

[wb256]

Trick question? Hardly.

Anyways, it may have been the Rhino party. It sounds like the sort of thing they'd come up with...just like wearing rino horns made out of toilet paper tubes during their meetings. Obviously, they're not a party to take seriously.

The Birthday Party, on the other hand, has goals that will strive to eliminate social inequality.

[grass_roots]

This is no joke. I honestly take this platform very seriously and would appreciate it if you would as well.

seriously?

I guess I won't ask you then what your policy is on birthday cakes and party clowns ;)

good luck in the polls

[CONtroversial_subject]

By making every day a holiday? Thats ridiculous. It sounds like you're rooting for a party that has no chance.

[M. Ward]

Hey, if every day is a Holiday..When do we vote? When does your party meet? How will things get done?

[wb256]

seriously?

I guess I won't ask you then what your policy is on birthday cakes and party clowns ;)

good luck in the polls


Keeping with the Birthday theme, birthday cakes will be paid for with tax money. The party clown union will be nationalised and their pay subsidized by the government, to make them more affordable to lower income families.

The Birthday Party, fighting inequality one step at a time.

[Bright Eyes]

It sounds like you're rooting for a party that has no chance.
Especially with that kind of attitude!

The ultimate goal of social equality starts with small steps. Being able to celebrate the birthday of those you care about is a very small, insignificant thing, but it can mean the difference between a neglected child getting some attention from his overworked parents ... or an angst filled teenager that just needs to know that someone cares to make it through the day.

What's wrong with government today is that they're spending so much time thinking about the present, they can't see to the future. Our children. The Birthday Party has Canada's children first in mind and I fully support them.

Don't you care about children and the future of our country?

[Spinnaker]

So let me get this straight.
Is everyday a holiday? Or is there one day where it's everyone's birthday? Then what would make the birthday special? It would be yours AND everyone else's. And what if you're not born on that day?

Sorry, but I'd like to keep the birthday I have. You want to talk about children, let's talk Education. Let's talk Child Care Facilities.

[Spinnaker]

Especially with that kind of attitude!


By reading most of the posts, he's not alone.



Don't you care about children and the future of our country?

If we didn't, then most of us wouldn't be here on these forums.

[wb256]

You may doubt me now, but some day you too will be converted, and you won't find the idea of a Birthday Party majority government quite so silly and punny.

Of coarse birthdays will be kept as they are. Not everyone is born on the same day, hence they have different dates of birth. In effect, most days would, yes, become holidays.

This would create a huge increase in holiday time being paid to workers the world over, effectivly rasining the minimum wage to time and a half! I don't think I have to outline the numerous economic benifits such a platform would have.

[Spinnaker]

And where would this "extra" money come from?
If you raise employee wages, you also raise the cost of expenses.

[wb256]

That's crazy talk. Where did you learn economics from anyways?

[Spinnaker]

Experience...

[wb256]

ah, apparently not from watching alan greenspan on tv like I did.

[Spinnaker]

Really Mr. Bernauer, I'm not going to argue with you about what I know to be true. The fact of the matter is that if you truly are running a political party...and want to run in an election you need to have a better platform than just birthday parties.

[Bright Eyes]

And where would this "extra" money come from?
If you raise employee wages, you also raise the cost of expenses.
I think it is blatantly obvious where a large portion of the government would get its income from. Birthday income tax. If each person has to give 5-20% of their birthday income (taxation based on the age of the person and the income level of the family), then we would see our government pospering!

[wb256]

Really Mr. Bernauer, I'm not going to argue with you about what I know to be true. The fact of the matter is that if you truly are running a political party...and want to run in an election you need to have a better platform than just birthday parties.


I think you're missing the whole point here. It's these little injustices that need to be eliminated from our contemporary society. There's a billion of them now, why not start with birthdays?

[Spinnaker]

I'm not missing the point at all...I'm not going to vote for a party to run my country who's only concern is birthdays.
I have more concerns than just birthdays...and my government is "supposed" to represent my concerns. That's why political parties develop a lengthy platforms, preach it, and I vote for the one the best suits my needs.

Where did you learn economics? Political Science?

[Dick]

I'm not missing the point at all...I'm not going to vote for a party to run my country who's only concern is birthdays.
I have more concerns than just birthdays...and my government is "supposed" to represent my concerns. That's why political parties develop a lengthy platforms, preach it, and I vote for the one the best suits my needs.

Where did you learn economics? Political Science?
Stop being such a negative Nancy and just accept the fact that this is a party with a good hoof-hearted platform.

[Spinnaker]

And who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't think/say?

I am allowed to have my own opinion, I am also allowed to express it. I'm not in anyway being rude or manipulative, overbearing or controlling. Therefore I will post my opinions and you...don't have to like them!

[CanuckPilot]

And who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't think/say?

I am allowed to have my own opinion, I am also allowed to express it. I'm not in anyway being rude or manipulative, overbearing or controlling. Therefore I will post my opinions and you...don't have to like them!Wow! Looks like someone's jumping aboard the un-birthday party platform!

As a liberal supporter of the Birthday Party, I'm curious as to our policy on tea. I'm a big fan of tea.

[grass_roots]

BAHAHA, this is too much, honestly, best thing I've read all day

[Bright Eyes]

Well, obviously the Birthday Party is concerned with more than birthdays. :rolleyes:

This is only the first step.

The Birthday Party's Policy on tea is that you should be able to drink it any day you like. Even buy it from the store on holidays! This government will not oppress those that like to have tea and cake.

[Dick]

tea and cake.However, I am of the persuation that combining the two in copious quantities should be illegal.


And who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't think/say?
A Birthday party supporter.

So how 'bout that Tea Party?

[Thib]

If everyone allowd to have is birthday declare a national holliday, how is my birthday going to be call. What happen if Jack birthday happen on the same day then Renée birthday? Is it going to be Jack Day or Renée Day?

[Bright Eyes]

Well ... that really goes without saying, Dick. But I think responsible amounts of tea and cake should be legal. Just how much is "responsible" ... well ... that should be left up to the birthday feaster.

If everyone allowd to have is birthday declare a national holliday, how is my birthday going to be call?
As of now, the party is divided on this issue. I think that each person should be able to name their birthday after themselves individually. National self esteem and pride will rise by at least 147%.

[Dick]

National self esteem and pride will rise by at least 147%.
Many critics are saying it will only rise 139%

[Bright Eyes]

Many critics are saying it will only rise 139%
Those are nothing but bold faced bolshevik lies!

I forsee a bright future of smiling children with icing on their faces. The only party that can bring this to you is the Birthday Party.

[Dick]

Or perhaps the Pie-In-Face Party... But I hear they prefer cream.

[Bright Eyes]

Unlike the "cream" promised by the Pie-In-Face Party, our icing, like our sturdy policies, will never go sour.

Vote Birthday Party.

[wb256]

Well guys, judging by recent polls, I'd say we've got this in the bag. As long the Tupperware Party and the Going Away Party don't form a coalition, we'll easily form a majority government.

[Spinnaker]

OKay, OKay...I ACTUALLY GET it now...ha ha :D

You've forgotten the Candle Party...very much on the rise, whipped the Tupperware Party's behind! ;)

[CanuckPilot]

I've had just about enough. I enjoy a birthday just as much as the next man, but there's a line we simply cannot cross when dealing with this surealist left-wing propaganda policy.

Therefore I am formally anouncing my resignation as a member of the Birthday Party.

Today I found the Nonpartisan Party! I call on all of you who've had enough nonsense to vote for me, send me your donations, and break off your affiliations with political parties everywhere! I cannot let you join my party, (for reasons obviously outlined by the title of the party itself) but encourage you to support me non-the-less.

I intend to promote the mass holidization of the birthdays of citizens everywhere, while still maintaining economic ballance by going into the ice business. That's right, just like in Bruce Lee's Fists of Fury, I will be selling large chunks of ice. *cough*

On election day, be sure to cast your vote for the Nonpartisan Party!

[wb256]

Thanks for the info Rob. Just as a side note, I have just authorized the creation of The Birthday Party Fascist Paramilitary Organization. Sleep with one eye open :p

[CONtroversial_subject]

dude you done jumped off the crazy something...

[CanuckPilot]

I won't deny this alligation, though I assure you that when I jumped off the 'crazy something' that you refered to, I hung on tightly to my life preserving book of english grammar.

Do you have an alternate course of action to ameliorate this substantial defamation upon your colloquial palaver, reprobate.
(ie. What ya gonna do bout dat ****, punk?)

Vote Nonpartisan Party

[edmonds]

I think you have my vote. What are your views on citizens request for the government to revoke the Law of Phsyics? As well as the use of nuclear-power toothbrushes? These are subjects very close to me, thus I feel I should be informed of how your party intends to deal with it.



:p Ward1859

yay!! oh those toothbrushes.... mmmmm.. radiation
oh how i miss saying vote aequitas! lol.

[Tomtom]

I won't deny this alligation, though I assure you that when I jumped off the 'crazy something' that you refered to, I hung on tightly to my life preserving book of english grammar.

Do you have an alternate course of action to ameliorate this substantial defamation upon your colloquial palaver, reprobate.
(ie. What ya gonna do bout dat ****, punk?)

Vote Nonpartisan Party


Well! At least now I finally figured out who that space dude was in that thread on the old CW.

HAHA

[M. Ward]

yay!! oh those toothbrushes.... mmmmm.. radiation
oh how i miss saying vote aequitas! lol.

Ohh! Let's make that Party, rename it the Fight For YOUR Right To Party or something to that effect and we can join forces with the Birthday Party!

[wb256]

I don't think that will be happening. As I said, it has nothing to do with our platform, and it's just plain silly.

I think the Toga Party might be interested however.

[Bright Eyes]

Oooh. The Toga Party candidates platforms are incomprehensible and, frankly, just look like Greek to me.

However, I don't think I'd like to have one of them running against me ... or against the wind, for that matter.

[CanuckPilot]

Well! At least now I finally figured out who that space dude was in that thread on the old CW.

HAHAWho? Wasn't that EvilRedStar??? I've only ever been CanuckPilot. :)

[wb256]

I just missed this thread a great deal.

Who else likes puns?

[Ching]

I would like to put forward a motion for the Bachelor Party to amalgomate with the Birthday Party, based on their common interest in cakes and smiling icing-covered faces. However, the only difference is, the Bachelor Party will help to win over the 20-something single male and voluptuous blonde part of the vote. :)

[wb256]

I would like to put forward a motion for the Bachelor Party to amalgomate with the Birthday Party, based on their common interest in cakes and smiling icing-covered faces. However, the only difference is, the Bachelor Party will help to win over the 20-something single male and voluptuous blonde part of the vote. :)


I like it. Something every political party needs is strippers...something the Bachelor Party is known to provide.

[grass_roots]

how about an amalgimation with the Let's Help Dave Find a Decent Summer Job Party :rolleyes:

but really folks...

...seriously let's help Dave find a decent summer job

[piper]

How about the "Opinionated *bleep*-holes United Party" where all kinds of people (like myself) can get together, opinionate and whatnot and then run for public office on the basis of our VERY important opinions.

[wb256]

How about the "Opinionated *bleep*-holes United Party" where all kinds of people (like myself) can get together, opinionate and whatnot and then run for public office on the basis of our VERY important opinions.

I think that's the basis for most political parties - only you forgot loud mouthed. However, you have missed a very important part of this thread:


Who else likes puns?.

Therefore, your party is not valid.

[M. Ward]

Question: The Birthday Party is going to make every body's birthday a holiday, or celebration, or what have you. I assume cake will be sent to the individuals who celebrate their Birthdays on these days? If so, how will this be done? A slice of cake sent to everyone, or a full cake sent to a house hold for their festivities?

[wb256]

Question: The Birthday Party is going to make every body's birthday a holiday, or celebration, or what have you. I assume cake will be sent to the individuals who celebrate their Birthdays on these days? If so, how will this be done? A slice of cake sent to everyone, or a full cake sent to a house hold for their festivities?


A full cake of coarse. What kind of party can you have all on your own?

Cake's will be distributed according to need, and can be aquired from your local welfare office.

[M. Ward]

What about types of cakes, will we have a choice? And if so, will this depends on class or anything of the likes?

[wb256]

What about types of cakes, will we have a choice? And if so, will this depends on class or anything of the likes?


There will be a selection of cake types, that's gaurenteed. Vegan cake will also be made available, as well as a variety of types of cakes which cater to those with food allergies.

[M. Ward]

Well then, consider me a supporter.

Oh, by the way, Oct. 5th.

[wb256]

how about an amalgimation with the Let's Help Dave Find a Decent Summer Job Party :rolleyes:

but really folks...

...seriously let's help Dave find a decent summer job


Dave, I would LOVE to squeeze you into our platform. However, since the election occours after the summer, we won't really be able to help until 2005.

Also, I think I already did my part in helping you find a job :p

[Ching]

how about an amalgimation with the Let's Help Dave Find a Decent Summer Job Party :rolleyes:

but really folks...

...seriously let's help Dave find a decent summer job
Do you want to work at the circus? If so, I can help you there. That's assuming you can get along with other hippies. :p

[Ching]

Who else likes puns?
I LIKE PUNS!!

Without puns, I wouldn't be funny at all! :D

[wb256]

I LIKE PUNS!!

Without puns, I wouldn't be funny at all! :D


But you use them now and you're still not funny...

{!}

[Ching]

But you use them now and you're still not funny...

{!}

*single tear...*

lol

[wb256]

lol, you know I'm only kidding :p

[Ching]

of course. :)

[wb256]

Alright, we've got a serious issue on our hands BP supporters (and no, I don't mean Boston Pizza).

Despite our success in recent polls, we have been barred from the leadership debate on national TV for the upcoming election. Apparently this has something to do with the fact that we don't actually have any candidates running in any ridings anywhere in (or outside of) Canada.

I, for one, think this is ridiculous. As your fearless leader I should be there defending our views from the likes to Paul Martin and *cringe* Steven Harper.

I hear the Green Party is having the same problem, despite the fact that they have candidates running in ALL ridings this election (unlike the Bloc, who are taking part in the debates) and have a 6% following in the polls, and are expected to win some seats this time even.

This leads me to believe that we have a long battle ahead of us (due to the fact that we have no candidates running, we have no following in the polls and we don't have a chance in hell of winning anything...despite the fact that I did get something in the mail that said I may have already won $1 million).

So I'm calling to all of you loyal followers, we need your help! Write the major news stations and demand to have me, your fearless leader, included in the leadership debates.

While you're at it, ask them to include the Green Party as well. Even if you disagree with their views, it would only be democratic to involve them in the debates (as their current support and amount of candidates shows that they obviously have a following that deserves to have it's voice heard).

I don't see how anyone who promotes free speech and democracy could want to keep them out - even if you support the CPC. You may not support what the Green Party says, but you should ALL support their right to say it!

[Ching]

WE'VE GOT TO FIGHT! FOR THE RIGHT!! TO (birthday/green) PARRRRRTAYYY!!!
:D

[Bright Eyes]

I don't think the fact that we have no official candidates running should hold us back.

Never underestimate the power of the write in vote!!!!


Write-in Birthday Party!

[M. Ward]

WE'VE GOT TO FIGHT! FOR THE RIGHT!! TO (birthday/green) PARRRRRTAYYY!!!
:D

You stole my line from a couple a page's ago.

Thought: Wouldn't it be cool if the Birthday Party and Green Party composed the majority of seats? That'd rock. We could make like..Green Cakes. Oh, Warren, can I have an offical positon in your cabinet when you get in? Like..Head of Huge Laser Beams. Or, Minister of Keepin' It Real?

In all honesty though, this is a mildly amusing relief from the whole politlcal stuff on CBC.

[wb256]

Yes Matt, you can be minister of keepin it real, and director of our new laser beam project. We all know the most important thing to Canadians in this election is LASERS (and BIG lasers to boot), so you'd better get something figured out quick.

I'm actually quite appauled that the Conservatives and the NDP/Liberal threads have so much support. Dosn't anyone want ME as their fearless leader?

I highly reccommend everyone reads this thread from the beginning. The sheer cunning displayed when arguing with my political opponents (that is, confusing them and making them look silly) would be a HUGE asset to our nation when foreign policy decisions need to be debated with other world leaders.

For a more arrogant Canada, vote birthday party!

[M. Ward]

The new laser beam project, CanLas, is in the works, along with the new mandator reeducation of all people in the Art and Science of Keepin' It Real. Also, the following changes to facts:

Painting is now a science
Biology is now an art

Warping subs at subway is now both an Art and a Science.


Thank you,

The ShouldBe Hon. Matthew Ward
Minister of Keepin' It Real
Director of Laser Project (CanLas)

[wb256]

Upon being elected your fearless leader, I also intend to legalize smackin the young kids I work with at subway who complain about their job being hard.

The new rule of thumb is if you still have more than 3 finger nails, and you can close your hand into a fist without blood gushing out you are NOT entitled to complain. If you attempt to do so, you will recieve a smack.

Same goes for feet, unless I see a minimum of 4 BIG blisters, one broken or blue toenail and SOME traces of blood on that sock, you'd better keep your mouth shut.

[Ching]

I'm actually quite appauled that the Conservatives and the NDP/Liberal threads have so much support. Dosn't anyone want ME as their fearless leader?
I do! :D



For a more arrogant Canada, vote birthday party!
WOOT WOOT!

[M. Ward]

I, in my capacity as Minister of Keepin' It Real, put forth a motion to declare October as the offical month of the Birthday Party.

The NotSo Hon. Matthew Ward
Minister of Keepin' It Real
Director of LasCan

[Ching]

yayyyyy!! Oc-to-ber! Oc-to-ber!!

[wb256]

yayyyyy!! Oc-to-ber! Oc-to-ber!!

Alrught Emily, we're running out of time. Lately there's been...3 of us...posting in here. You're minister of making more people post in this thread.

Go to it.

[Ching]

Aye Aye!!!!

[DMCorrigan]

: cackles :

Niiiice!

[Ching]

yay! I'm successful!

[M. Ward]

Sorry to dig up old threads, but, hey.

Does the Right Hon. Warren Middleinital Bernauer have any future plans?

[Ching]

Yay Birthday Party! :D


Oh, how I missed you...

[Insane Power Pilot]

Is there a Birthday Party of Alberta? If so, will they have a candidate in Edmonton-Riverview for the coming election? ;)

[Ching]

I sure hope so!

[wb256]

We've actually been taking out underground terrorist operations in the name of Happy Birthdays everywhere. If the government won't recognize our cause when we're peaceful, we're force them to listen!

So yeah. Two un named individuals stole one large cake from the Residence Cafeteria at UofM, and threw an all night cake party in the lounge for everyone who had a birthday in october. It's a ways off from having a holiday for everyone's birthday, but it's a start.

I enourage all of you to go out and steal cakes from your cafeteria and hold all night cake parties in the name of our cause. If there's no cake's available there's a variety of other things you can steal to hold a party. Try a napkin despenser party, bottle of ranch dressing party or basket full of those little ketsup packets party.

Just remember to make signs, like "free all weekend cutlery party!"

[Bright Eyes]

Exactly! Diversifying is the best way to appeal to everyone. :D

[M. Ward]

Everything has to start somewheres. However, I put forth a motion to declare throwing cakes at the faces of political figures illegal for party members. The basis being I feel no cake, be it Birthday, Anniversy, or what have you, should be degraded or disrespected in that or any other manner.

[wb256]

true matt, furthermore, no real politician deserves to enjoy cake. When the revolution arrives, they will be the first against the wall.

On to new news, the birthday party would like to announce a new policy shift.

The benifits of a shift from a constitutional monarchy to a constitutional robocracy have recently come to my attention. They'll be able to run our nation with complete logic, and would involve themselves in far fewer scandels than the British Royal Family (our current heads of state).


OBEY THE ROBOTS!!

[Neo]

I eagerly await the implementation of the Constitutional Robocracy!

[Juice]

Hey Warren. I bow to the might of the robots, is there a place for me in your party? :D

[wb256]

definatly. there's many positions available within the party at this time. I'll give you a position as soon as I think up something silly and non-cliche.

[wb256]

on second thought, you can be minister of lubrication. We don't want the robots to seize up.

[Neo]

I would also like a place in your glourious party... united under the Robocracy!

[wb256]

I would also like a place in your glourious party... united under the Robocracy!


you seem very eager to obey the robots...I like that. If you can come up with an amusing title for yourself, you can have a large part in the robocracy implimentation process.

[Neo]

you seem very eager to obey the robots...I like that. If you can come up with an amusing title for yourself, you can have a large part in the robocracy implimentation process.

Minister of Robocation?

[wb256]

alright, we'll use that as a working title. But I reserve the right to change it to something I deem to be more humerous at any point in the future.

[Neo]

alright, we'll use that as a working title. But I reserve the right to change it to something I deem to be more humerous at any point in the future.

Of course... I mean isn't that how the Robocracy works? Replacing obsolete parts with newer, more advanced ones?

[wb256]

definatly, it's a theory derived from Cher's fashion trends. While she replaces her nose when it becomes unfashionable and obslete, we replace sectors of society with all powerful robots and silly titles bestowed upon government officials.

[Neo]

definatly, it's a theory derived from Cher's fashion trends. While she replaces her nose when it becomes unfashionable and obslete, we replace sectors of society with all powerful robots and silly titles bestowed upon government officials.

It will truly be a golden age... for the Robocracy, and for humanity who will benefit from the benevolant rule of our Robot Monarchy!

Obey the Robots!

[Towns]

I am definitely intrigued by Robocracy, but before pledging my undying allegience to these metal masters, I will need to have one concern addressed:

If Star Trek taught us anything (which, I for one believe, it definitely has), it is that Robots can be confused by simple logical syllogisms pointing out a view counter to their own, thus causing any number of damaging malfunctions. How can we ensure that these robots will be protected from William Shatner's deductive reasoning?

[wb256]

Wlliam Shatner will be first against the wall when the revolution arrives. Not for his cunning skills or his boyish good looks that could (and have been) used to foil female robots in the past, but rather due to his musical "talents".

[Towns]

Well, then...now that that's been put to bed, I will happily pledge allegiance to any robot who will kill William Shatner for his "musical" forays.

[Loyal Edmonton]

Minister of Cutlery reporting in!

[wb256]

alright, if you guys want to maintain your party affiliation, you'd better start coming up with something funny to say in this thread...it's dead and I;m out of ideas.

[Neo]

Will the our benevolent Robot leaders be equipped with a lighter in order to light the candles on the Birthday Cake?

[Bright Eyes]

In the spirit of the season, I believe it's time to resurrect the dead. :)

It is our great leader's birthday!!!!!!! :D

In honour of that occasion, I present him with this zombie thread in the hope that we can continue our struggle to free us from birthday related oppression.