What is?

[cpl_corner]

This may sound weird but I am engayed to someone I knew from camp last year. (He was one my staff cadets) And we are suppose to get married after camp in late Auguest of this year. I really love him but how do I know if this is the real thing?

p.s.I am not joking so guys please dont joke around with this

[Lola]

Ooh, tough question, and I can't answer it. :p But here are two things to consider:

1) Have you only known this guy for year? That's an awfully short time(in my opinion, of course) to commit to each other for life. Make sure you're not getting married this soon due to pressure from other people.

2) Get some premarital counselling.

[cpl_corner]

Ooh, tough question, and I can't answer it. :p But here are two things to consider:

1) Have you only known this guy for year? That's an awfully short time(in my opinion, of course) to commit to each other for life. Make sure you're not getting married this soon due to pressure from other people.

2) Get some premarital counselling.
Why is a short time when we love each other?

[Kmart]

Have you ever hear of the word "Lust?" Love and Lust are NOT the same thing. I should know!;)

[cpl_corner]

Have you ever hear of the word "Lust?" Love and Lust are NOT the same thing. I should know!;)
yes and I am not marring him out of lust. We talk for hours on end every day and he means the world to me. I would die for him if I had to.

[Tomtom]

yes and I am not marring him out of lust. We talk for hours on end every day and he means the world to me.


You will quickly find yourself very disappointed. You need to take a serious look at this relationship. Do you even live in the same general geographical area?

You refer to him as "this guy I met at camp". You want to get married "after camp". Have you even seen this guy outside of cadet camp?

You're right. This is no joke. What do your parents think? Have you ever met his family or any of his friends? Have you ever seen how he lives? Do you know what he does on his spare time? Do you even know anything about him other than the voice on the other end of the phone?

[cpl_corner]

You will quickly find yourself very disappointed. You need to take a serious look at this relationship. Do you even live in the same general geographical area?

You refer to him as "this guy I met at camp". You want to get married "after camp". Have you even seen this guy outside of cadet camp?

You're right. This is no joke. What do your parents think? Have you ever met his family or any of his friends? Have you ever seen how he lives? Do you know what he does on his spare time? Do you even know anything about him other than the voice on the other end of the phone?
Hes not just a guy I met at camp. He lives a hour drive from my house. I see him every weekend. My parents love him and thing he is a great guy. I am even staying with him this week at his and his parents home so I can better know his family. I know what he does from school to work to what he hates eating.

[smynkey]

Hes not just a guy I met at camp. He lives a hour drive from my house. I see him every weekend. My parents love him and thing he is a great guy. I am even staying with him this week at his and his parents home so I can better know his family. I know what he does from school to work to what he hates eating.

i'm sorry to ask... but how old are you and how old is he?

[cpl_corner]

i'm sorry to ask... but how old are you and how old is he?
he is going to be 19 in three weeks and I turned 18 three months ago.

[Kmart]

he is going to be 19 in three weeks and I turned 18 three months ago.
You know what, you are still kids. And I'm getting sick of seeing so many "kids" getting engaged these days and then breaking it of. Here's a quote that describes what I'm saying.
Just because you are full grow, doesnt make you a man.

[cpl_corner]

You know what, you are still kids. And I'm getting sick of seeing so many "kids" getting engaged these days and then breaking it of. Here's a quote that describes what I'm saying.
You know what I hate when people call me a kid. You don't know what I been through and where I been to get to this point.

[Chief Hoult]

At the Ripe old age of 20, I'm not entirely sure you (or I) would be in such places to make comments.

Many younger couplpes don't make it, because they're not sure what they're feeling, or don't spend alot of time together, etc.

My question is: Why marriage? Would you be moving into your own place, under your own roof, etc, or living with parents? apart? What about just living together for a while to see if it works out? What plans do you have for income/education? These, in my mind, are fairly important questions that you have hopefully thought about.

No one here can tell you if it's "real" or not. Some will say if you know it in your heart, then yes. Others will say no, because you're too young. None of us are really placed to make remarks. Many of our grandparents were married younger than most of us will be. My grandmother had her two children by the time she was 21, which is fairly uncommon nowadays. But can still happen, and those marriages can last a long time.

Look at the questions above -- how far into the future have you thought? And WHY marriage?

CH

[Pyro]

Well, all I can say is - do you know that you can live with and love this person for the rest of your life? How much time have you spent with him up to this point? And finally, I know you love him, so why not wait a little while longer before getting married?

You're engaged, which means you have both made a commitment to eachother, but to make sure you'll be able to stay together, I would suggest perhaps living with him for a while, and really making sure that you can deal with him for the rest of your life. Seeing him on the weekends and for a week here and there can't compare to say, living together for even a month and actually working together to make your way in the world - do you have common goals in life? Do your ideals for say - having/raising children, dealing with money, owning property coincide? I'm not trying to deterr you by any means, but you have to look within yourself and within your relationship to make sure it will really last. :)

I hope things work out for you.

[pimp_squeak]

This may sound weird but I am engayed to someone I knew from camp last year. (He was one my staff cadets) And we are suppose to get married after camp in late Auguest of this year. I really love him but how do I know if this is the real thing?

p.s.I am not joking so guys please dont joke around with this


Hes not just a guy I met at camp. He lives a hour drive from my house. I see him every weekend. My parents love him and thing he is a great guy. I am even staying with him this week at his and his parents home so I can better know his family. I know what he does from school to work to what he hates eating.


He is going to be 19 in three weeks and I turned 18 three months ago.

Those three comments alone would make me wary of it. I'm 18, and sure the government considers me a "responsible adult", but I know that I'm far from it. I think this week might make you reconsider. Not that getting married is a bad idea, it's just probably not a good one at this point in your life.

[Geotech]

All I can say is...if your happy and you can afford it...getting married even simply is expensive, and everything that goes with it...then it doesnt matter what I really truely think.

Speaking from my own point of view on life, it is not something I personally would do, wouldnt even think of it at the moment cause I have college left to finish plus a year of University, thats like 10plus grand a year, which equals a big debt on my part.

Myself..I am going to be 21 years of age, while I have had some serious relationships, I personally still dont have enough grip on life yet to make any major leaps or bounds...I am still in my party years so to speak...that and i am still not compleatly comfortable with laying my soul and all it includes, and all that plagues me to another person, only to have them do the same for me, and then stay that way for god knows how many years.

The major goals in life for me now, are to finish my diploma and degree, get a job, pay off my pile o debts, and to make my life worth watching at the end, everything else comes with that...frankly I am in no hurry, I only get one go around in life, I plan to have no regrets when I am through.

So if you think you can handle everything at your age, then all the power to you, do it...I wish you a long and healthy life, just make sure its really what you want before you take the dive off that cliff so to speak.

[Kmart]

You know what I hate when people call me a kid. You don't know what I been through and where I been to get to this point.
Anyways, Congratulations. Just be careful.

[cpl_corner]

Anyways, Congratulations. Just be careful.
Thanks I am glad that you guys want me to be careful but I think I will be ok.

[shyraven]

You know what, you are still kids. And I'm getting sick of seeing so many "kids" getting engaged these days and then breaking it of.

I somewhat agree with this statement, but at the same time I don't. I know a few couples who got married when they were between the ages of 19 to 21. So far, life is great for them. I'm 22 and I started dating my boyfriend when I was 19, and I knew years ago that I wanted to get married to him. We're just waiting until we're financially secure and I get my life on track before we tie the knot.

As for the original subject of this thread: When you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you just know. I don't know how to explain it any better...but you just know. But some advice from someone who's been in a relationship for a long time: Don't give up on your relationship. My boyfriend and I almost broke up a few months ago, but I wouldn't let him go without a fight. He decided to give us another chance instead of just leaving, and now we're happier than ever.

[Jesse Zillman]

Not that I am any kind of expert on this subject, being 18 myself, I just cannot see myself marrying someone in the next year, even if I met them tomorrow and spent all my free time with them after that. I don't feel like I am ready for that kind of responsibility, "Through sickness, and pain, until death." Which is hopefully for me a long long time, when you 18 you will quickly realize how much more there is, I wouldn't consider myself a mature adult, even though as stated above the govt considers me so. There are many experiences I have yet to have, many lessons need to be learned, but if you feel this is what you want in your life, then by all means go for it. Don't let some people on an internet forum dissuade you from your dream. Talk to your close friends, people that know you will, and know him well... They can give you a far better appraisal of the situation then any of us can.

[F/Sgt. Steele]

engaged at a cadet camp? oh no...i have red flags poping out from everywhere, even the ducks in the river are waving red flags right now.

[Geotech]

engaged at a cadet camp? oh no...i have red flags poping out from everywhere, even the ducks in the river are waving red flags right now.


lol got to love the attitude, and you wonder why sometimes people are put off. I was engaged when I was 17, thank god I realized that was a mistake..lol, and then I made an even bigger one that summer, glad that all leveled out, god I love being single, and at college..well college is kind of currently on standby but thats not my fault.

[Juice]

There's one thing I feel I must say (or at least someone should). You have come onto here asking if what you have is "the real thing," and yet when people give you answers that you don't like (eg, when you were called a kid), you get upset.

What kind of answers were you expecting?

Of course we wish you the best of luck, and congratulations on your engagement, but are you ABSOLUTELY sure this is what you are ready for? You're 18, you've just recently got out of high school, or still are in high school, you ahve your whole life ahead of you. What makes you so sure that what you are feeling now is what you will be feeling in ten years? What makes you so sure that what you want tout of life will be the same in ten years?

As much as you might hate to hear this, you ARE still a kid. I'm 21, and I still view myself as a kid. You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you.

My suggestion to you would be NOT to get married right away. If this is something you feel you truly want, then wait for a while to get married. I would definitely think that something like this is worth waiting for. And if he is the kind of guy you should be looking to marry, then he will be willing to wait, and have a long engagement.

I'm not trying to discourage you, I'm just trying to show you the gravity of the situation you are potentially getting yourself into. Things don't always last forever, and it's ahrd to keep that kind of a promise at such a young age. Inteests change, the way we view life changes, especially once we get out on our own.

Just make sure this is what you truly want before you go any further. Remember, this decision will affect the rest of your life, and sometimes, as in love as you are this point, things can turn sour, and divorce is not something you want to be dealing with at this point in your life. Not that it's something anyone wants to be dealing with at any point in their lives.

Just some food for thought, please don't get upset. It's your decision, but remember, you posted the question, I just answered it ;)

JB

[Jesse Zillman]

There's one thing I feel I must say (or at least someone should). You have come onto here asking if what you have is "the real thing," and yet when people give you answers that you don't like (eg, when you were called a kid), you get upset.

What kind of answers were you expecting?

Of course we wish you the best of luck, and congratulations on your engagement, but are you ABSOLUTELY sure this is what you are ready for? You're 18, you've just recently got out of high school, or still are in high school, you ahve your whole life ahead of you. What makes you so sure that what you are feeling now is what you will be feeling in ten years? What makes you so sure that what you want tout of life will be the same in ten years?

As much as you might hate to hear this, you ARE still a kid. I'm 21, and I still view myself as a kid. You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you.

My suggestion to you would be NOT to get married right away. If this is something you feel you truly want, then wait for a while to get married. I would definitely think that something like this is worth waiting for. And if he is the kind of guy you should be looking to marry, then he will be willing to wait, and have a long engagement.

I'm not trying to discourage you, I'm just trying to show you the gravity of the situation you are potentially getting yourself into. Things don't always last forever, and it's ahrd to keep that kind of a promise at such a young age. Inteests change, the way we view life changes, especially once we get out on our own.

Just make sure this is what you truly want before you go any further. Remember, this decision will affect the rest of your life, and sometimes, as in love as you are this point, things can turn sour, and divorce is not something you want to be dealing with at this point in your life. Not that it's something anyone wants to be dealing with at any point in their lives.

Just some food for thought, please don't get upset. It's your decision, but remember, you posted the question, I just answered it ;)

JB

A Standing Ovation for you sir.

[Little-Liz]

My advice for you, take in what everyone is saying but with a grain of salt..... Consider it but don't live by the words... I would say wait... wait some time and live with the person and get to know the person inside and out up and down and around in circles! If you know you love him then by all means you love him I know how you feel.. I am currently engaged right now, but I have been with him for 3 years and we are waiting till next September to get married which will be 4 years.. and I realize that is a short time and I am still young to be getting married I will be 21 but I also feel that by us living together, sharing expenses, and income, and our thoughts and views on everything from house chores, to buying houses and raising children has helped us.. We both realize that debt is a big thing after school and that we will still have some debt hanging over our heads but we have come up with a strategy to dealing with these issues and being married, by all means they still might break through but you need to have backups...
I am not telling you not to get married because then I would be my family and want to kick my own butt, but I am just saying wait a bit and get some experience under your belts and try living together and sharing your bed every night with some....... because sometimes your views do change but if you can deal with these changes then that is a good thing, because it shows you no matter what you might still love this person, just wait that's all I can say, be engaged for a while.... that's ok, long engagement are not always looked down on, it shows you are responsible and want to wait, but are still willing to be committed.
Also how your parents love him and think he is an awesome guy, that is perfect, but my parents also think that about my fiancé, but as soon as he asked them for permission their views didn't change but were adapted a bit because they look at him as the person I will be with forever and who needs to be able to support his family and what not.. (I have an old fashioned family) but the way they look at him is different just keep that in mind, and most likely you will need to stand up for the two of you and what not because the parents might not always agree.....
So the point I was trying to make all a long and probably have (I hope) Time makes the heart grow founder.... if you love each other then be together be engaged and enjoy that live, but wait to get married till you are through school and have plans and everything.... I hope everything works out beautifully for you and your life is filled with joy and love, but just be smart about things, and take it all with a grain of salt.....

[Bright Eyes]

Seeing someone every weekend and seeing them EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY are two completely different things.

If you love each other so much ... what's the hurry?

I'd say just reeeeeelax. Stay together ... stay engaged. And just enjoy each other. If you are really "truly" in love, then marriage will really change very little about your relationship. However, if you discover that it isn't true love, then there's a lot less hassle involved in getting out of an engagement than there is a marriage.

[hartleymartin]

I can't remember where I read it, but good advice for a young couple was that they should court (yes, court NOT date) for 24 months.

Ask yourself these sorts of questions:

- How well do I know this person?
- What do I have in common with this person?
- Do we share favourite activities together?
- Do we recognise our differences?
- How do we deal with disagreements/differences?
- Do I want everything MY way, or do I want to lead a life which is happier for the both of us, having to compromise?
- Would I still be friends with this person if they were the same sex as me?
- What I am in this for? (Alot of young people get married because they want a sense of security)
- Will this affect my education/career?
- Can we afford to be married? (Do either of you have a permanent job or a career?)

There is a great book called "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris, which deals with all these questions, and is particularly relevent to people of Christian Faith. I read this book and found that I wasn't ready. I found that for me, it was best to continue on and keep learning about the other person and see if we are compatible to share a life together. You might have a different outcome from this book. You'll never know unless you read it though.

[Bright Eyes]

Too late, man.

Check the announcements thread. She's already married.

[cpl_corner]

yeah almost forgot bout this thread, I got married on March 29, 2006. Yeah I know I said it was going to be in Augest but with a couple of deaths in the past two weeks on both sides of our family we decided life is too short.

[Chief Hoult]

Well, congrats, and all the best :)

CH