Mean Girls

[Ching]

No, I'm not talking about the new Lindsay Lohan movie, although I just came back from seeing it and was not unimpressed. It was a standard chick flick, but also very realistic, in a chick flick sort of way.
I'm talking about actual mean girls. The ones who choose their victim, and verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically torture her. The ones who are authorities on who's ugly, fat, stupid, smelly, or all of the above.
They say names will never hurt you, but I know that's not true. From age 9 to 10, I went from 70 to 130 lbs. That's 4'6" and 130 lbs. It hurt. Those names have made me who I am today: hypersensitive, largely introverted, and prone to anxiety attacks. I never trust a guy who is interested in me, because I still believe that I am that fat, ugly little girl.
Why? Because nothing was ever done. Those girls didn't really hate me, they were just girls. They didn't really think I was fat, it was just a phase they were going through. They were jealous of how pretty I really was. And clearly, they were going to grow out of it.
Were you ever a mean girl? Do you ever do those mean things, even now? Were you a victim of it? Or were you a witness? Did you do anything to stop it from happening (other than losing weight and wearing makeup?) Is it actually just a phase that all girls go through?
Your thoughts, svp.

[Dick]

hypersensitive, largely introverted, and prone to anxiety attacks. I never trust a guy who is interested in me, because I still believe that I am that fat, ugly little girl.Well when I met you, you were definatly none of the above! And you are sooo not introverted. Mike's introverted.

But yeah, girls are definatly worse than guys. We beat the crap out of each other, but bones can heal. And a broken bone is no where's near as bad as an emotional scar :)

I've seen girls in cadets fight, and it really messed them up.

Theres a girl that used to be one of my cadets that still talks to me all the time. I guess I help her somehow just by being there to talk to on msn. But she's moved tons of times and where ever she goes, I think she just gets in with the wrong crowd, because she always gets picked on. And she's not ugly or stupid at all. But the bullying is almost always over guys.

[Ching]

Well when I met you, you were definatly none of the above! And you are sooo not introverted. Mike's introverted.
I go through phases. Some months are better than others. And, as a true artsy, I'm good at acting.
There's only two people I"ve ever fully confided in, and a very few that I've even come close to confiding in. I just trust nobody, because every time I do, I get burned, without fail.

[Earlam]

I call victim!

Though as a guy, it involved a little more physical violence.....
Still though, my elementary-school years really screwed me up.


Oh, if only I had a time machine. I could go back in time and publicly execute all the kids that picked on me..... with a hammer.
You see how screwed up I am?

(The point of this post was to point out that it's not just girls, though they do it more often, and seem to be better at it <I'm normal-ish now only because I always had a high tolerance for ****-mongers>.)

[Ching]

I don't wish any violence on any of the girls who picked on me.. although I've sometimes dreamt of it.
I just wish it hadn't happened, and I wish it wouldn't continue to happen to anyone else.
I'm actually good friends with at least one of the girls who was previously so heinous to me.. for her, it was just a phase. But the hurt isn't a phase.

[Conquistador]

I too was picked on in elementary school and in earlier years in highschool... and it didn't feel good. Although I don't think that the effects suffered during those times were permanent, for I don't care much for these past experiences now and those past experiences have little to do in shaping who I am today. Although it is amusing to see how the harbingers of my pain back in the day are now the deadbeat losers who I laugh at (not in public though... they still sport some nasty funk that I wouldn't want on me).

Anyway, I think this is an intrinsic nature of humans. It's the same with all animals, really... historically there isn't enough resources to sustain an entire population, so the individuals who fight the best and who can eliminate competition the best gets to survive/reproduce. This is the same... which is why everybody has that part in them that wants to eliminate rivals or potential rivals for no apparent reason (our ancestors all survived didn't they? And if they did, they must've had this gene).

And speaking of the actual movie... it was a horrible movie. Not so much for the fact that it's extremely trite (although it's so trite it might as well be called "Generic Chick Flick #321"), but the fact that it MURDERED MATH. Seeing how a no-good public school (there are of course excellent public schools... but I do believe that everyone who saw the movie can agree that the school portrayed in the movie was not portrayed as a good school) win the state championships for mathematics is painful... especially when the last question was easy. It was equally painful seeing a calculus textbook used in a class where course material equivalent to principles of mathematics 12 in BC. Not to mention how the teacher docked 30+ marks for wrong answers... when answers really don't mean much in full solution mathematics question.

Those were my thoughts, sorry for the length.

[Lettie]

Stan, its a chick flick, you're not supposed to analyze it that much, maybe if you turned your brain off for the 2 hours or so.. and just enjoyed the bimbo's and the stupidity of the movie, it might have been worth the 10 bucks you spent on it...

Remember the movie isn't a model of reality, it's what you make it to be.. of course it's going to be extrememly unrealistic... take 'The Day after tomorrow'
it's an exaggerated film showing/entertaining people in the process of showing them what effects the water does (basically)...

although mean girls, does have a plot behind it, it is still a basic chick flick, and guy will never really understand a girl, and vice versa, so you're meant to watch it with a closed mind and just enjoy the pretty pictures...

so what if they won a maths comp.. of course they will, they're the topic of the movie, it's gotta be a fairy tale ending... Think about the movie "Bring it On", with Kirsten Dunst.... it's a chick flick none the less...

enjoy them... and enjoy the 2 hours of quality relaxing in a comfortable cinema chair, with a drink and some popcorn!

Letty

[Conquistador]

Stan, its a chick flick, you're not supposed to analyze it that much, maybe if you turned your brain off for the 2 hours or so.. and just enjoyed the bimbo's and the stupidity of the movie, it might have been worth the 10 bucks you spent on it...

Whilist in the theater I did figure out two math questions that I couldn't figure out before (although honestly I didn't put that much time into it), so in that respect, the money was worth it.

[Lettie]

that is good to hear... sometimes it seems as though people spend way too much time analyzing a good thing, instead of absorbing and learning from it...

as a topic was raised from this movie, it is probably safe to say, that most people have had some encounter with ppl of this type, be it male of female..

bullying, isn't just physical or emotional abuse, its a mental thing.. a power thing.. a feeling of being higher than the rest.

but as i said, we should be learning from such things, thinking about our own experiences and exploring our own feelings.

[funkyfairy]

I used to be picked on for being a "nerd" and a four eyes and for being small (I looked really scrawny but I ate like a pig).

Then I started swimming so that cured the scrawniness.

Then in year 8 some of the girls in my homeroom class made up some mock-up awards and I got Little Miss Snob because I didn't have many friends and didn't talk much to many other people. I got up in front of the class trying to smile and take it like a joke, but I was almost in tears and all I wanted to do was smack the stupid *insert random insults here* so they were laughing out the other side of their faces.

My payback was joining cadets, meeting people that were just there to have fun, and taking a good looking sailor to my year 10 formal.

Now who was jealous there :p

And I developed my sarcastic sense of humor and tried to stay open minded on life.

Seriously though, being picked on for being "smart" when I was younger meant I didn't ask for harder or more work because I didn't want to be picked on more, and then when it came to the years it really counted towards the end of high school it was like a bad habit and I didn't push myself and I got crap marks because I was lazy.

Girls are cows.

[canoe instructor]

i must say girls can be the most vile and cruel creatures on earth....i can say i was the object of misunderstanding from grade 1 right up through til 13.. because i read so much, and i was so into cadets...and those where some bloody tough years...all i can is meh and everything you do in this life echos in eternity..and im bloody better for it..i have a much more open view on life...
its unfortunate we have to go through so much..... just to became the way we are....bloody hard lesson...
cheers
CI Harris
ORCA Flatwater Instructor/Canoe Tripper I
HMCS Ontario ITPERTC Staff 2003 and 2004

[funkyfairy]

I really have never understood why reading was soooo looked down on :confused:

Maybe because half of them couldn't do it as well as other people and were just jealous :confused:

It's like when you meet a crazy stalker "if I can't have you, no one else can either"

"If I can't read Baby-sitters Club, You can't either"

[sgt4life]

*waves hand* Victim!

Just cause I was smart and quiet. But it doesn't have to affect you all your life. I still have trouble trusting people with my inner emotions, but it gets easier the more I confide to the people I DO trust. Once you realise what problems you might have (ie. hypersensitive, largely introverted, not trusting,) you CAN overcome them. It's an experience that helps to shape who you are; it takes somethings away, but it also adds a strength of character you might not have otherwise had.

[The Blue Tory]

*waves hand* Victim!

Just cause I was smart and quiet. But it doesn't have to affect you all your life. I still have trouble trusting people with my inner emotions, but it gets easier the more I confide to the people I DO trust. Once you realise what problems you might have (ie. hypersensitive, largely introverted, not trusting,) you CAN overcome them. It's an experience that helps to shape who you are; it takes somethings away, but it also adds a strength of character you might not have otherwise had.
Tannis you're not a victim!!!

Your a victimizer!!!

[Lettie]

I really have never understood why reading was soooo looked down on :confused:


I LOVED READING... i used to read a book every night, and was always a fluent reader, never mummbled never took me 5 minutes to say one word...

I always found that the girls that couldn't read properly, would always say "i dont wanna read, you can't make me... "
and the teacher would just say fine.. and ask me or others like myself to read...

but when i hit year 11.. those bi@tches, who always bagged me about reading so well.. beign a square... were MADE to read... you come to school you read...

and look who was the big one now... of course they were made to feel like fools, and were made to feel ambarrassed... but they learnt their lesson.. a lot of them i am still friends with.. and i even tutored 2 of them in my spare time through year 12... they did really well in english & maths... well for their standards anyway...

[Lettie]

Tannis you're not a victim!!!

Your a victimizer!!!
victimizer??? come again?

[funkyfairy]

I did the MS Read-a-thon one year, and I started with like a month to go til the end, and I ended up reading 65 books before I had to stop. They weren't picture books either. I was in year 7 :D

[SLt T. Clausen]

I remember vividly being in my Lit 12 class and getting frustrated with the poeople who couldn't read fluently. Come to think of it, it was the same in my first year english classes this year.

[Little Cadet]

I can say I got picked on in elementary school, first I was one of the smart kids that was really quiet and didn't say much, and I have had problems with my legs in the past, people like to pick of anything that's not exactly "normal". I was really quiet but if anything, it got me to push myself further to do the same things the others did... but eventually I got surgery, and it got fixed :) I think that's where I got all my determination from, I wanted to be like them, so I'd work twice as hard, but I would do it.

Then I joined cadets! lol Cadets is really what changed me. The seniors and officers at my corps we we're all talking and saying how they remembered how when I first joined, I'd never talk and how I would be so shy etc...now I never shut up! I still tend to be sensitive and over-react to certain things, but oh well! Now I look back and most people who picked on me when I was younger, not to stereotype, but they don't have very many friends, or aren't what the general school population thinks as nice. People's attitude change as we grow up, it's kind of cool.

[Aprile]

I was beat up in elementary school. So badly my mum pulled me out of school. I was also called ugly all of the time. People don't realize what that can do to a person. I do not think I will ever believe someone when they say I'm pretty, because if I don't feel it, how can it be true? Kids don't understand how far a bit of teasing can go. Especially when you go through you awkward stages. People are vunerable and it hurts so badly to be teased.

Now I say to anyone who has been teased or who hasn't. Watch what you say to people, it may come back on you.

[lord_rupert]

I'm just in shock at how many people were tormented at school.
I was fortunately never bullied at school but I am famed for breaking the nose of a notorious **** artist and cretin who was making a younger boy's life so hellish he tried to run away. I was 17 at the time and the boys parents threatened to have me charged with assault, when they found out what their precious Tommy* had been up to they soon changed their tune and incidentally Tommy never bullied anyone again. The week of detention and the gating (not being allowed to leave school premises) for a month was worth every minute. And the tormentee (I don't like the word victim) Harry and I are still best mates.

ROO :D

Disclaimer - Violence is not the answer
* Names have been changed

[Cheryl Tucker]

No, I'm not talking about the new Lindsay Lohan movie, although I just came back from seeing it and was not unimpressed. It was a standard chick flick, but also very realistic, in a chick flick sort of way.
I'm talking about actual mean girls. The ones who choose their victim, and verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically torture her. The ones who are authorities on who's ugly, fat, stupid, smelly, or all of the above.
They say names will never hurt you, but I know that's not true. From age 9 to 10, I went from 70 to 130 lbs. That's 4'6" and 130 lbs. It hurt. Those names have made me who I am today: hypersensitive, largely introverted, and prone to anxiety attacks. I never trust a guy who is interested in me, because I still believe that I am that fat, ugly little girl.
Why? Because nothing was ever done. Those girls didn't really hate me, they were just girls. They didn't really think I was fat, it was just a phase they were going through. They were jealous of how pretty I really was. And clearly, they were going to grow out of it.
Were you ever a mean girl? Do you ever do those mean things, even now? Were you a victim of it? Or were you a witness? Did you do anything to stop it from happening (other than losing weight and wearing makeup?) Is it actually just a phase that all girls go through?
Your thoughts, svp.
Before I read any other comments (I want to soley comment on this post 1st then I'll get to the rest). I know how you feel. All through like grade 3-6 I was the the girl they made fun of. People laughed at me and made fun of me for the stupidest reasons. As for them being jealous of how pretty you were... thats was probably not the case with me but what they said had always left me feeling crappy. I know now that none of it was probably meant to hurt me but it has. Now in a different school for over 6 years, I still feel like everyone hates me and I avoid talking to anyone except my close friends. I too am very prone to anxiety attacks. It sucks but I know it will never stop. :(

Anyways.. I'll go read the rest of the thread now.

[Ching]

I was beat up in elementary school. So badly my mum pulled me out of school. I was also called ugly all of the time. People don't realize what that can do to a person. I do not think I will ever believe someone when they say I'm pretty, because if I don't feel it, how can it be true? Kids don't understand how far a bit of teasing can go. Especially when you go through you awkward stages. People are vunerable and it hurts so badly to be teased. .
Exactly. It's affected just about every relationship I've had with guys. I just can't believe that, if I was that ugly then, I've improved that much. My face is the same as it was then.
People used to find whatever they could to pick on, and do it to its fullest extent. When I hit puberty, my legs grew before my torso, so I was like a frickin Barbie doll (only chubbier) This was before low rise jeans, so of course, people made fun of me for "hiking up my pants". They were around my waist... my waist was just not in the middle of my body. My breastbone is convex, not flat like most people's. (I also had boobs before anyone else) So automatically, I was sticking my chest out. I could go on. It ruined me.

[Ching]

As for them being jealous of how pretty you were...
That's not me talking, that's my teachers and, even worse, my parents, making those excuses for those horrible girls, rather than solving the problem.
I'm in the exact same boat as you are. And I'm sure you're beautiful. :)

[lord_rupert]

We installed a new system while I was at school - a bully box - if someone was being bullied and couldn't talk then they could write their problems and stick them in the box so we could act. The sixthformers were also designed to act as listeners.
I'm sure Harry won't mind me saying what Tommy was doing when I smashed his nose in - he had wrapped a bar of soap in a towel and was using it to thrash Harry with , luckily I had come in to drop my cricket bat back into my locker - he was damn lucky that in the rage that descended I didn't use the bat on his nose.
I'm not exactly proud of what I did but I know that words had failed to stop this cretin from acting in this manner.

It makes me sick that people think they have the right to treat other human beings in this way. I think all the people on this forum are brilliant with tonnes going for them and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

ROO :D

[Sarah209]

Well... I think Mean Girls, and what they do is pretty stupid. Yes, i was a "victim" and I can laugh about it now but it still happens. And sadly, occasionaly to me, still. It really does hurt.... I'd like to say people grow out of it. And some do. But some of the ones I have dealt with don't.... and that's rare cases now, but I have had to deal with some people who will never change. One day, when they are old, they will realize the hell they put everyone through...and they still won't think they are bad people.

[Ching]

Yeah... I can't believe how many girls go.. *giggle* I'm an effing beeyatch! *giggle*
As if it's a good thing.

[Cheryl Tucker]

My payback was joining cadets, meeting people that were just there to have fun, and taking a good looking sailor to my year 10 formal.

Yeah... I have to agree with you there. Cadets was my savior. The one place where the judgements people made about me were kept to themselves or not even made. It helped me make a lot more friends and allowed me to enjoy at least a part of my life.

[Tracker]

Well I've noticed that once you get past the childish jr high diva stage, and get into high school, stuff like that doesn't matter as much. Kids are just looking out for number one. Now, yes bullying happens everywhere but it tends to tone down a bit in high school.

Cadets isn't all that pretty of a place either. I think I've seen a lot more bullying in cadets then I did in school.

I was never really bullied, or the bullier which I guess I should be thankful but I usually pick up for the little guy. I try to anyway.

[RatherBeFlyin]

*shoutz out V-I-C-T-I-M!*

I was definitely a victim. Especially grade primary. That was one of the worst years for me. There was this guy in my class named Karl Mailman who was always beating me up and piclking on me all the time, his reason being that I was ugly and that I was a looser. My teacher was tired of dealing with him. I clearly remember the day that I got the worst from him. It was in the middle of January, I was putting my snow suit on getting ready to go home. Karl and I were the last ones there, and Karl's Mother had come tp pick him up because she wanted to talk to our teacher Mrs.Cullen. The walls in our school were made of gip-rock and the coat rack was made of steel as well as birchwood. Karl called me a stupid dummy and grabbed me by my throat and chucked me into the coat rack. I lay there on the floor crying, and my teacher and his mother just stood there and did nothing. I tried to explain to them what had happened, and then Karl said that he barely touched me. My teacher told me that she was sick of listening to me "tattle tale" and told me to go home. My mother called the school immediately, and all Karl basically got was a slap on the wrist and was told to never do it again, but he didn't listen. Then there was this girl in my grade 5 class named Lee Patriquinn. Not many people liked her. I despised her, and she didn't like me either. The reason that I hated her so much was because she was also nagging me, lowering my self-esteem. One day this guy named Ian Hanlin moved to our area from Wales England, and I had a crush on him. He ended up in our class too. When Lee found out that I liked him. She came up to me and said, that new guys isn't going to like you because you're a ***** and you're fat and you're ugly, and you're the biggest looser in this school. You have no friends, and you're one of the stupidest people out there. I was so happy at the end of grade 6 when she moved away. Grade 6 was another crappy year. We had all of these rude substitutes that hated me, and told me that I wasn't going to get anywhere in life. My regular teacher was okay, but there were many times that I just didn't understand her. Like the time she called me up to her desk and said that everytime we began to work on Math, I always seemed to ahve to go to the washroom which was so not true. Anytime I had to go to the bathroom, I'd go in the morning before class started or I'd go at recess. Grade 6 was a year of verbal abuse more than anything else. Me, and my 3 friends John, Craig, and Megan got the hell teased out of us because we didn't wear the "in" clothes. I didn't really care that much. I wear what I wanna wear, if people don't like that, oh well. As for Junior high, meh, so-so. Grade 7 was a really good year. I hung around with a pretty good group of people. Grade 8 was horrid. A new guy had come to our class named Craig Holmes. He went to Caledonia before. He was a real dud, and I hate to say it but plain demented. He couldn't read or anything, and he used to pick on people and play pranks because he thought it was funny. The people that I hung out with, as well as me, we all despised him. He really made grade 8 and 9 bad, bad years. As for high school, it's had its ups and downs. I do get teased, but it doesn't bother me, I just shurg it off because the girls that do tease me are dumb and can't think of anything good to say.

[Ching]

I think, rather than disappearing with age, bullies just learn subtlety, which, in some ways, is worse than outright physical/point and laugh bullying. Not everybody notices.

[Cheryl Tucker]

He was a real dud, and I hate to say it but plain demented. He couldn't read or anything, and he used to pick on people and play pranks because he thought it was funny. The people that I hung out with, as well as me, we all despised him. He really made grade 8 and 9 bad, bad years. Ok... so let me get this right. You kept saying and explaining how you were teased but then you go and make fun of somebody who probably feels the same way as a lot of us - that not many people like him because he is stupid or whatever. I think you are being a tad hypocritial in your post.

[Ching]

That's another aspect of bullying: the ones who do it to avoid being victims of it, to act "tough".

[lord_rupert]

I think, rather than disappearing with age, bullies just learn subtlety, which, in some ways, is worse than outright physical/point and laugh bullying. Not everybody notices.

I was talking about this with a mate today and he mentioned the point that with the era of mobiles and the internet bullying doesn't stay inside the school gate any longer it can go home with the tormentee.

Can I just ask how many people would have thumped Tommy in my situation or does it make me as bad as him??

ROO

[BandBabe118]

I feel horrible, I was never really a victim. I'm thin, pretty and extremely cocky. I was teased a little when I was younger (when I was around 5 I was chubby but I grew out of it when I turned 6) and because of that I kind of became a bit shallow and obsessed with the way people look. I have been extrememly mean to a lot of people and I try not to now that I realise exactly what I'm doing. But when a lot around you are saying that your so pretty and that you could do absolutely anything soemtimes that makes little girls think that they are the best and everyone is below them. I'm not saying it's right for them to do that but has anyone thought about why these girls do this? I'm sure some of these people have horrible home lives and all they have are their looks, others might just need some way of expressing how they feel if they can't do it anywhere else, or maybe they're just mean people that they're parents taught them that they were the best thing since sliced bread!!!! There are always more than one side to the story:)

BL

[Ching]

I was talking about this with a mate today and he mentioned the point that with the era of mobiles and the internet bullying doesn't stay inside the school gate any longer it can go home with the tormentee.

Can I just ask how many people would have thumped Tommy in my situation or does it make me as bad as him??

ROO
I know for a fact that it can go home with the tormentee.
And I would have thumped Tommy too. Sometimes, that's the only way to get across to some people.

[Ching]

I feel horrible, ...There are always more than one side to the story:)

BL
At least you feel horrible.
That wasn't an attack, let me explain. I'm no uglymug, and my figure isn't too bad either. Yet, I never feel the need to belittle other people. I do believe that it is nurture, the environment you grow up in, that affects whether or not you bully. Some people do it to get attention, some because they're lashing out. And some because they were never taught that it was wrong. No matter what, it is wrong. But I'm glad that you regret it, and are trying to change. You're a good person for it. The best way to make things right, though, is to befriend the people you have victimized.

[BandBabe118]

At least you feel horrible. ...But I'm glad that you regret it, and are trying to change. You're a good person for it. The best way to make things right, though, is to befriend the people you have victimized.it's not as easy to befriend those people that you victimized as you make it seem... most of those people probably don't want you to be their friend and after everything you've done to them, do you want to be their friend know that they might just be going along with it to stab you in the back sometime you don't expect it???

BL

[jgoguen]

The seniors and officers at my corps we we're all talking and saying how they remembered how when I first joined, I'd never talk and how I would be so shy etc...now I never shut up!

I remember that :D I remember when you were one of my cadets...first joined...man did I ever have fun drawing you out and getting you to talk :D You've really come a long way Em...I'm proud of you :)

As for getting bullied and such, that happened to me too...I was one of the smart kids, didn't say much, just wanted to be left in peace. Cadets changed that for me :D Still got picked on in school, right up till I graduated in fact...most of them are now university dropouts or never got there cause they're in jail for different stuff :rolleyes: Me, I still overreact to things and I still keep to myself a lot...things that happen to you don't just go away that easy...

[Ching]

One of the major players in my grade 5 class is now one of my best friends. My dad became fast friends with one of his tormentors (after grinding his face into the gravel)
It's possible. Most people who have been bullied really want redemption and friends.
Just try it and see.

[Lil Lightnin]

Mike's introverted.

...

I'LL INTROVERT YOU BUDDY!

...

I'm not even sure if that was reffering to me. :p


Nonetheless...this thread depresses me. Everyone start talking about rainbows...now.

[Ching]

Of course that was referring to you!
Rainbows... are pretty.. take my mind off of all the *sniff* pain... :p
How'm I doing?

[RatherBeFlyin]

Ok... so let me get this right. You kept saying and explaining how you were teased but then you go and make fun of somebody who probably feels the same way as a lot of us - that not many people like him because he is stupid or whatever. I think you are being a tad hypocritial in your post.


I'm not teasing him or making fun of him, it's the honest to god truth. Our principal even agreed with us. The guy was supposed to have got suspended for teh things that he not only did to students, but teachers as well. I clearly remember one day how he threw a stappler at our Social Studies teacher and called him a "nazi" and said that he deserved to die was going to burn in hell. The guy also threatened to kill our Science Teacher. Everytime the principal tried to suspend him, his Mother always fought it off everytime, and he only got "in-school" suspensions, and even then he was a danger to the student body. We could understand that he had trouble with reading and math and whatnot because lots of people do, it didn't bother us. It's how he treated students and teachers and the things he did.

[Dick]

I never had a problem with bullying. And I never really bullied people... regularly.

And when we did make fun of someone at school, we did it behind their back so it wouldn't hurt their feelings.

[J. Symes]

No, I'm not talking about the new Lindsay Lohan movie, although I just came back from seeing it and was not unimpressed. It was a standard chick flick, but also very realistic, in a chick flick sort of way.
I'm talking about actual mean girls. The ones who choose their victim, and verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically torture her. The ones who are authorities on who's ugly, fat, stupid, smelly, or all of the above.
They say names will never hurt you, but I know that's not true. From age 9 to 10, I went from 70 to 130 lbs. That's 4'6" and 130 lbs. It hurt. Those names have made me who I am today: hypersensitive, largely introverted, and prone to anxiety attacks. I never trust a guy who is interested in me, because I still believe that I am that fat, ugly little girl.
Why? Because nothing was ever done. Those girls didn't really hate me, they were just girls. They didn't really think I was fat, it was just a phase they were going through. They were jealous of how pretty I really was. And clearly, they were going to grow out of it.
Were you ever a mean girl? Do you ever do those mean things, even now? Were you a victim of it? Or were you a witness? Did you do anything to stop it from happening (other than losing weight and wearing makeup?) Is it actually just a phase that all girls go through?
Your thoughts, svp.
I can say I have been both a mean girl, and a victim.

have you ever noticed that the people who were bullied, if they change just enough to stop being bullied....they treat people the same way they were treated? See, when I was in elementary school, I was bugged and teased, and came home crying almost every day. Mainly because I was super duper fat ahahahaha....well at least I think I was, and I was a bit antisocial, and I didn't have cool clothes, and stuff like that. I got picked on, alot. Then, in high school, everyone ended up being in different groups, and the group that I ended up in, was the cooler group out of everyone. I was the person who started hanging out with the cool people, and I was more accepted into that group than the people who were making fun of me were. It was sort of just a funny thing that happened. Then I started being friends with all those people that made fun of me, and then I started making fun of most people that I didn't like. I always had reasons to not like them, but I still made fun of them. It was actually just last year that I was sort of realizing what I was doing, and I stopped hanging out with all those people who thought they were the coolest people and that their poo didn't stink......and I just started hanging out with people that I was really close friends with, and I started just being around them, trying ot be nicer to people, because I remember how I felt.
Although, there are times I still make fun of people, it's like I do it, and then I catch myself......but I'm still a little sad from when i was younger. Like everyone calling me fat and ugly, I mean, people still say it. Like I had a party with a bunch of close friends easter weekend of this year, and a guy that none of my friends like (he did something really mean to one of them) anyway, he ended up showing up, and I kicked him out of my house, and as he was leaving, he called me names like he was in grade 2 again, and he graduated 2 years ago, and that night I remembered what it felt like to be in elementary school again. But now, whenever my boyfriend tells me I'm pretty, I don't believe him, and even I say I'm really conceited and stuff, which I act like....but I'm not really, I don't actually think that way. I guess it's good in a way that I remember that stuff, becuase it's making me stop what I was doing before, but I have been both the bully and the bullied.

[Cheryl Tucker]

And when we did make fun of someone at school, we did it behind their back so it wouldn't hurt their feelings.Too bad nothing is ever really 'behind the back' and that people always find out what you say about them. At least thats the case with what I see.

[Dick]

Too bad nothing is ever really 'behind the back' and that people always find out what you say about them. At least thats the case with what I see.
Guys dont gossip like girls do :)

We say "Hey that guy looks funny" Then everyone goes "yeah, man" And we forget.

[Ching]

That's why I"m glad I'm not a lesbian. I'd have to deal with girls' bs twice as much! Guys are much easier to deal with... if they like you, they like you. If they don't like you, they don't like you. Girls, there's much more of a grey area...and backstabbing...

[Coomber 535]

Guys dont gossip like girls do :)

We say "Hey that guy looks funny" Then everyone goes "yeah, man" And we forget.

Well, maybe. I wish those people teased me about various things... LOL.

I moved here to Windsor before I started grade 8. I started a new school, and it was hell. They thought I was stuck up and really smart. Well, I didn't mean to seem stuck up, but the school I was at before must have taught at a higher level maybe. I was getting good grades for the first time in my life.

Then came high school. I decided to go to a different high school than was in my district, not b/c I wanted to, but b/c the people 'cool' people were all going there too. I'm glad I did though, but for a different reason. But anyway, I had to take a city bus there, since they didn't have a school bus system for high schools here in the city. Every day on the bus was hell. I was picked on for everything, my weight, my voice, my grades, cadets, and people thought I was gay. I too, like other above, was very introverted. I still am.

Cadets is the best thing that has ever happened to my life. It showed me that you can do anything, as long as you worked for it. But it gave me something to do, and to this day is one of the only social activities that I participate in.

I, like some other people, still have problems telling people my emotions, and things like that. I don't trust people easily. But is neither the time nor the place to go into details of this... LOL. But I don't do much socially b/c I am a little worried that I'll be betrayed or not recepted well. 90% of all my friends I know through cadets.



I did see this movie though... i'm one for chick flicks... LOL. I thought it was good, and I look forward to purchasing it on DVD when it comes out. This is a GREAT movie, and I loved Damian... LOL... like he chased the girl out of the washrooms calling her Danny Devito! I just loved how he was in all the places with the girls covering his face... LOL. Yeah... it's a keeper.

[Coomber 535]

That's why I"m glad I'm not a lesbian. I'd have to deal with girls' bs twice as much! Guys are much easier to deal with... if they like you, they like you. If they don't like you, they don't like you. Girls, there's much more of a grey area...and backstabbing...
Guys have this too. I have a friend who contantly likes to make comments out loud and make a scene when he knows something I find uncomfortable. I know he's joking, but he embarasses me. I'm kinda shy so anything makes me turn beet red!

[Lil Lightnin]

...I said rainbows damnit

[Ching]

...I said rainbows damnit
I mentioned rainbows! You're insatiable!! :p

[Lil Lightnin]

I know you did. I was talking to the other 443 people who went on with the stories of their lives after.

[Lettie]

its a discussion board sweetie, if you didn't wanna hear it dont read it... sometimes, it helps to tell people you dont know how you feel.. you aren't being judged, and all they can comment on is what they read....

so just dont read the mean girls thread, it's that easy!!!

[Coomber 535]

its a discussion board sweetie, if you didn't wanna hear it dont read it... sometimes, it helps to tell people you dont know how you feel.. you aren't being judged, and all they can comment on is what they read....

so just dont read the mean girls thread, it's that easy!!!

Amen, sister!

And if you think that's the story of my life, God help you! I've been through almost 19 years of hell, and I have more to tell if anyone's interested!!! LOL

[Pilot]

Is it actually just a phase that all girls go through?

It is a phase that all kids go through. Your adolescent years are the most insecure of your life, and what do people do who are insecure with themselves? They build their self esteem but taking down others.

Most of the time however, kids either grow out of doing that, or they end up in the gutter of life...

[Lettie]

ha ha ha alll lies i tell you.. can't you read... hahahahahhaha

sorry guys.. i had to .. amen to you too sweetie...

[wb256]

Guys can be JUST as cruel as girls.

Just look at the dents kicked into the side of my dad's car that I brought to school one day, or the bruises that I had on my ribs from random people elbowing and punching me when I walked by...and this was in grade 13!

It was routine for me to be followed home from school by a group of people throwing rocks at me or shouting at me.

I couldn't walk down the halls without someone yelling "fag!" or "move back to red lake!" or something along those lines.

You're probably all asking yourself why I didn't tell anyone or contact the police. Well, I notified numerous teachers, but they did a whole lot of NOTHING! I told the police as well (when they vandalized the car) but nothing ever came of it. I guess it's tough to suspend/charge over 60 people (that's how many people regularly picked on me, not to mention the people who just did it occasionally).

(just so you understand the situation, I moved to a new town when I was going into grade 13, and everyone there thought I was bisexual)

While living in my original hometown (red lake) I also got a lot of physical violence directed at me. This was mostly due to the fact that my father was an elementary school principal. So many memories of being in grade 3 and having 3 or 4 8th graders that my dad suspended take turns punching me in the stomach for 1/2 an hour after school.

Even at university a vast majority of this crap hasn't ended. I still hear people shout stuff at me as I walk by sometimes, and someone wrote "FAG" in huge letters across my res room door last year.

So yeah, generally guys are better than girls...unless they think you're honestly gay/bi. In which case, well, you're in some serious trouble.

So if any of you have ever wondered why I'm a bit bent, that's why :p

[wb256]

Oh, and cadets helped very little. I was so self conscious by that point that if people didn't immediatly love me, I thought they hated me.

It's a problem I still deal with constantly. I have so much trouble meeting new people because I always assume that they dislike me if I don't get some sort of immediate sign of friendship.

[piper]

I find the best prevention/solution to bullying has been two clenched fists and a stiff upper lip. I got bullied a couple times when I was in grade 5 or 6, but it did not last long. Being bullied is unpleasent, and no one should have to go through it, but if it happens, you have to stand your ground and fight back (goes for guys AND girls). Bullies pick on the weak-looking ones, if you fight back, they will usually leave you alone and look for easier prey. Stand up for yourself and don't get pushed around.

Oh, and by the way, you girls can be really mean sometimes. Geez, cross a girl and she never forgets... ;)

[wb256]

I find the best prevention/solution to bullying has been two clenched fists and a stiff upper lip. I got bullied a couple times when I was in grade 5 or 6, but it did not last long. Being bullied is unpleasent, and no one should have to go through it, but if it happens, you have to stand your ground and fight back (goes for guys AND girls). Bullies pick on the weak-looking ones, if you fight back, they will usually leave you alone and look for easier prey. Stand up for yourself and don't get pushed around.

Oh, and by the way, you girls can be really mean sometimes. Geez, cross a girl and she never forgets... ;)


Kind of tough to fight more than 5 people at once...

[piper]

Kind of tough to fight more than 5 people at once...

Been done. I've gotten up to 20 actually, darn wannabe gangsters jumped me two months ago. (I got my butt royally kicked in that one, however). What I tried to say was, I find it is better to stand your ground when it comes down to it. If your going to get a beating, or what have you, you may as well go down with fists swinging and take a few with you.

[wb256]

Been done. I've gotten up to 20 actually, darn wannabe gangsters jumped me two months ago. (I got my butt royally kicked in that one, however). What I tried to say was, I find it is better to stand your ground when it comes down to it. If your going to get a beating, or what have you, you may as well go down with fists swinging and take a few with you.


If you have to fight, that's what I do...but I usually try to avoid it. Fighting takes time and energy, and generally those types are not worth my time nor my energy:p

[condor888000]

Can I just ask how many people would have thumped Tommy in my situation or does it make me as bad as him??

You did the right thing. If I see one of my friends being an *** I deck them. I can't stand it. One of my friends was insulting a kid at school one time. This kid was at least 3 years younger than us to. I decked him and never talked to the *** again. And I'd been friends with him for 6 years. When I was younger I was picked on by somepeople until they realized I knew how to fight dirty. Never had a problem with it since.

[Ching]

It is a phase that all kids go through.
I must have skipped that phase, then, and gone right to caring about other people's feelings.

[Ching]

Oh, and cadets helped very little. I was so self conscious by that point that if people didn't immediatly love me, I thought they hated me.

It's a problem I still deal with constantly. I have so much trouble meeting new people because I always assume that they dislike me if I don't get some sort of immediate sign of friendship.
I understand, I'm the same way. And don't you worry, I love you. :)

[wb256]

I understand, I'm the same way. And don't you worry, I love you. :)


Lucky me :) someone loves me and she hasn't even gotten to know me yet :p

[Ching]

I'm a loving sort of person. And you've proven yourself not a moron, which is always good in my books. :)

[wb256]

I'm a loving sort of person. And you've proven yourself not a moron, which is always good in my books. :)


Why thank you, I'm glad you don't think I'm a moron:)

Well, since I don't feel totally hated by you now, if you ever want to chat (and use msn) add me to your list...

[Ching]

Well, since I don't feel totally hated by you now,
You mean you felt hated by me before? :p

[Bright Eyes]

Lucky me :) someone loves me and she hasn't even gotten to know me yet :p
People that know you love you too! At least the people that count, anyway. :D

I think it's really interesting that there's only been 1 person here that said they didn't feel they'd be victimized at one point. All of my friends through cadets were people that would have been considered "losers" at their school.

Do you think that cadets attracts the "unpopular" kids? Why or why not?

[piper]

Do you think that cadets attracts the "unpopular" kids? Why or why not?

Nope. You can get the unpopular kids, and the popular ones (like me, for instance). Just like anything else. Cadets being full of 'losers' is a common stereotype for many non-cadet people.

[BandBabe118]

Nope. You can get the unpopular kids, and the popular ones (like me, for instance). Just like anything else. Cadets being full of 'losers' is a common stereotype for many non-cadet people.
I completely agree with you on this one, cadets has its fair share of losers and poplular people... just look at me, I'm both;)

BL

[Earlam]

I think cadets might be more attractive to social outcasts than the more popular.
For the more popular, there is a certain draw (all the cool stuff they get to do, and things of that sort).
For the less popular, there is that. But there's also a place to fit in to. An organization that'll accept and assimilate you. We're social animals.
I think less popular people might also be more likely to stay in, as they don't have as many petty annoyances (friends et cetera ;) ) to draw their interest away from the program. Something would mean alot more to me if it was the best thing I had going.

[Dick]

I completely agree with you on this one, cadets has its fair share of losers and poplular people... just look at me, I'm both;)

BLSo your a popular loser?

That's not really a good thing. I guess everyone knows your such a loser :D

[BandBabe118]

So your a popular loser?

That's not really a good thing :)well the loser part was a bit of a joke... I do have a lot of friends that makes me "popular" and I'm a loser cause I do really stupid things a lot of the time:)... but through all the stupid thing I do I'm still popular!

BL

[Lettie]

ok .. heres the honest...

in my first 2 1/2 years of cadets, i was in the 'in -crowd' we were the popular ones.. there was 10 of us and it was based on 5 couples...

we were the biggest arses to everyone, 2 scoops for you.. only one for you.. we would all sit together in cadets, and all hang out together.. we would hold parties, and sneak out at nights and stuff.. we were the coooool bunch! and people did envy us and want to be one of us.. but if you didn't smoke, drink or were a rebel, you wernet cool!

and then, the others were kicked out, and because i was the young one, i was given the benefit of the doubt, and i changed, never changed back to that type of person ever again.. and now i'ma PO, the senior cadet at the unit.. and have won all the awards ranging from Most Oustanding to the leader ship award, to the co's award, the xo's awards, best rct-smn, and so on as i went throught the ranks...

and now.. i look back and wish i had've never laughed at the kids that couldn't do things properly, that looked wierd (or so we thought) wish i had've never snuck out at night to meet with the boys.. all that kind of stuff....

But after i opted out of the 'in-crowd' i got HELLL!

[wb256]

I don't think there's really such thing as a "popular" crowd, as most people generally hate them as much as my type. Just the crowd who thinks they're popular and acts it (despite the fact that a large number of people resent them).

I still had many friends despite the fact that I was widely hated. The problem was that people who had never really met me jumped on the "let's throw rocks at warren when he goes outside for a cigarette" bandwagon.

[funkyfairy]

I was always the one that could hang out with the "troublemakers" at cadets and stay out of trouble. They'd do the stupid stuff and I'd watch and laugh or whatever, or they'd open their mouth at the wrong time and say the wrong thing, and they'd get in trouble but I wouldn't.

I know a bunch of people who were considered "trouble" or whatever else outside of cadets, and cadets was the one place it didn't matter who you were, we were all mates.

I used to say that cadets was the place for misfits to fit in.

[RatherBeFlyin]

I completely agree with you on this one, cadets has its fair share of losers BL

There is no such thing in cadets as loosers.........

[RatherBeFlyin]

So your a popular loser?



LOL! That's great.....

[Ching]

There is no such thing in cadets as loosers.........
Sure there is. It's just usually not the people who get made fun of for it, but, rather, the ones who do the making fun.

[RatherBeFlyin]

Sure there is. It's just usually not the people who get made fun of for it, but, rather, the ones who do the making fun.

Well, I suppose that, that makes sense then. :D

[J. Symes]

you know what I was thinking??? I was thinking that like, losers.....(well....so called people who are called losers) aren't really losers at all. Think about it....everyone knows them, even the popular people, everyone knows stuff abot them, there's rumours about them, everything.......so really, they're just as popular as the "popular" group....lol